Bumper Stickers

You know how some people hate bumper stickers? They have the whole "I don't want to know what people's opinions are" attitude. I'm pretty much indifferent to this concept. It's someone's personal property and if they want it to look like a New York billboard with tourettes so be it. However, I do understand that these complaints aren't unfounded. They can be relatively offensive and are guaranteed to be obnoxious. Personally, I don't really care if someone's little brat is on honor role at ADHD Elementary or if you'd rather be fishing, bowling, hunting, or clubbing baby seals. Whether or not they get on your nerves, bumper stickers do get you thinking a little.

I would consider my bike to be my primary mode of transportation and bumper stickers got me thinking about what I'd like people to know about me when I ride. Some slogans that come to mind would be clichés like "my other bike is a bike", "$0.00/gal.", and "Hey, fuck you". Still, I don't think its really necessary. Cyclists are pretty transparent as far as their message to the world is concerned. A commuter riding in the hard winter months usually comes off as "hardcore" or "dedicated". BMXers are seen as the punk kids of the group; jumping around here and there. Road racers tend to be the more "serious" of the bunch, focusing on power output, cadence, heart rate, and ball (bearing) size. Images of mountain bikers vary from the go-fast superlight XCers to the daredevil, 'gnarly' downhill/freeriders. Aesthetics can tell you a lot about why and how a person rides, but sometimes you get mixed messages.

Fat riders
Fat riders are a funny lot. That's not to say that I always ridicule overweight people when they exercise, though sometimes I might dangle a pint of ice cream in front of their face. Fat riders are like the penguins of the cycling world. They're not particularly speedy and are fun to watch in certain situations (i.e. Cat 5 races). Things get especially entertaining when their bikes cost more than their squared weight in kilograms; a common measurement in the cycling industry known as Idiot Cyvant's Fat Rich Ignorant Cyclist Ratio (or the FRIC's ratio for short). Violators of the FRICs ratio can typically be seen stylishly clothed in a Assos or DeMarchi XXL kit or wearing which ever ProTour team kit that has Colnago or Pinarello on the jersey despite not being able to pronounce the team's name ("CASE Dee PargNEE?"). Nothing but the best graces these bikes from full Campy Record to integrated carbon fiber bar and stem. Even weight-restricted carbon-Ti pedals are a must for FRICs, who disregard those weight limits as only pertaining to people that actually get out of their saddle when they ride and aren't hoisted onto the saddle via forklift.

Recumbent riders
Ok, so some might have back problems, but a majority of them are just abnormal. Its like they're little kids pretending to travel in pedal-powered space pods. Cycling can be a pretty relaxed sport, but what's next? Bicycle laser tag? Carbon fiber E-Z Boy recumbents? I bet I could make a pretty penny inviting all the area recumbent riders to a velodrome for some night-time, psychedelic, Star Wars theme 'battle' of the geeks. They'd all swarm around the track going "ppeewwww! pewww!" and point at each other as if shooting fake photon beams. I'd be the Death Star and pick off these 'cyclists' with a paintball gun. May the force be with you, dork.

'Rest'-bar riders
Its time to change it up a bit. Complaining about triathletes can get tiresome. Sometimes you have to point the finger at everyone else with aerobars. I know its hard to identify the differences between a non-competitive triathlete and someone who just looks funny riding their bikes. Clip-on aerobars are no longer a telltale sign of someone who enters into supposed 'race' events. Hardcore recreationalists now choose to add aerobars to their arsenal of comfort equipment, which rounds out a list including 'suspension' forks, elastomer wishbone seatstays, bar phat, ergonomic grips, miniature pogo sticks that double as seatposts, and saddles that double as floatation devices.

Each of these riders choose to say something outside of the ordinary. Considering the fact that cycling isn't really a mainstream sport in this country, their ability to go outside of the norms that even most cyclists adhere to really is a testament to their audacious nature. They are the fat, the recumbent, and the relaxed. They are the bumper stickers of the cycling world. Some people hate them (I know I do on occasion), but they are a necessary reminder to all of us not to take cycling too seriously and that it's ok to be a little ridiculous.