Don't tell anyone this, but I've been growing out my leg hair. It's too cold outside and shaving is just too much of a burden. Also, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to hide the fact that my legs have not only lost any semblance of definition they might have had, but have atrophied to the point where I look like a frozen dumpling on chopstick stilts. Yeah. It's a little embarrassing.
As you can tell, I've been neglecting my riding and blog for quite some time now. This holiday season has taken its toll on my cycling lifestyle and the humor/cynicism usually associated with it. Since drunken fixie rides don't count, it has been a few weeks since I've properly ridden a bicycle. Instead, I've been spending my time "out." Below I have listed a few things I might or might not have done instead of riding bikes. Guess which ones are true.
1- Drunkenly chatted with a pair of random girls at Stupid Bar #2. I only remember complaining about the shitty cover band that was belting out the worst Bon Jovi jams ever (all of them). Oh, yeah and apparently they were professional dancers for some dance company/institute in DC. I have no idea which one; I was too drunk.
2- Sat in baller-ass VIP seats at the Verizon Center with Captain Doctor, The Boss, and Squirrely McCheese. Seats that included center-court Row B seats behind the announcers table and a 300-level suite. Also, I ate ravioli that night while listening to TB and CD's sexually-explicit advances toward each other at the dinner table. Example:
TB: [something naughty]
-pause-
CD: Oh. Right on!
IC: ...awkward
Also also, apparently squirrels aren't that crazy about cheese, but that's hardly the point is it?
3- Ate foreign and exotic foods, like turkey, ham, steak, lobster, and Big Macs, consistently for over two weeks, although the ratio of Big Macs to Other Foods is very skewed in favor of the late night trips to the Golden Arches.
4- Sat around on my fat ass stuffed to the brim with the aforementioned exotic foods daydreaming about the bikes I want to build, instead of riding one of the five bikes that I actually own.
5- Fought a hobo and broke some expensive bikes at cyclocross nationals. Ok, maybe I didn't do this one, but dammit cycling fights are embarassingly funny. I really want there to be an epic Braveheart-style battle between triathletes and cyclists. I'd be the evil horseman riding a downhill bike with full body armor crushing every aero helmet in sight and any poor carb-counting soul that resided in it. I'd probably sustain a few injuries, like getting slapped in the face with a swim cap or googles.
As you can tell, I've been neglecting my riding and blog for quite some time now. This holiday season has taken its toll on my cycling lifestyle and the humor/cynicism usually associated with it. Since drunken fixie rides don't count, it has been a few weeks since I've properly ridden a bicycle. Instead, I've been spending my time "out." Below I have listed a few things I might or might not have done instead of riding bikes. Guess which ones are true.
1- Drunkenly chatted with a pair of random girls at Stupid Bar #2. I only remember complaining about the shitty cover band that was belting out the worst Bon Jovi jams ever (all of them). Oh, yeah and apparently they were professional dancers for some dance company/institute in DC. I have no idea which one; I was too drunk.
2- Sat in baller-ass VIP seats at the Verizon Center with Captain Doctor, The Boss, and Squirrely McCheese. Seats that included center-court Row B seats behind the announcers table and a 300-level suite. Also, I ate ravioli that night while listening to TB and CD's sexually-explicit advances toward each other at the dinner table. Example:
TB: [something naughty]
-pause-
CD: Oh. Right on!
IC: ...awkward
Also also, apparently squirrels aren't that crazy about cheese, but that's hardly the point is it?
3- Ate foreign and exotic foods, like turkey, ham, steak, lobster, and Big Macs, consistently for over two weeks, although the ratio of Big Macs to Other Foods is very skewed in favor of the late night trips to the Golden Arches.
4- Sat around on my fat ass stuffed to the brim with the aforementioned exotic foods daydreaming about the bikes I want to build, instead of riding one of the five bikes that I actually own.
5- Fought a hobo and broke some expensive bikes at cyclocross nationals. Ok, maybe I didn't do this one, but dammit cycling fights are embarassingly funny. I really want there to be an epic Braveheart-style battle between triathletes and cyclists. I'd be the evil horseman riding a downhill bike with full body armor crushing every aero helmet in sight and any poor carb-counting soul that resided in it. I'd probably sustain a few injuries, like getting slapped in the face with a swim cap or googles.
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