This Idiot Reviews: EAS Catapult

Last Sunday at the Carl Dolan Memorial, I sprinted for a prime that nobody contested. Like an idiot, I went all out for it, not even knowing what it was. As it turns out, I won some EAS nutritional supplements. I got a box of EAS Myoplex Lite, which is a post-ride protein bar that tastes like a cinnamon rice krispie covered in frosting, and a 23-oz. bottle of EAS Catapult: Pre-Race Energy Fuel, that does not taste nearly as yummy. I have chosen to a do review on the latter product because I have nothing interesting to say about a protein bar that tastes like candy (other than mmmmMMMMMMmmmmm!).

The Packaging
This drink mix came in pretty standard form, although now after trying the stuff I would have expected it to be shaped like a lightning bolt or giant exclamation point. Interestingly enough, before I could even access the mix I had to fight my way through two thick plastic-wrapped seals keeping the lid secure and another paper seal under the lid. Having broken into the Fort Knox of sports drinks, I had a slight inkling that I might be getting in over my head so I read the label. It reads like this:

Catapult: Pre-Race Energy Fuel
-Intensify Workouts
-Enhance Performance
-Delay Onset of Muscle Fatigue

and here's the abridged version of what's on the back:

Mix with water. Drink before workout. Do not take late in the day or exceed two doses within 24hrs and allow at least 4hrs between doses. Not for use by individuals under 18 or those even remotely considering pregnancy. Do not use if you have heart disease, angina, arrhythmia, high blood pressure or other cardiovascular disease, recurrent headaches, bleeding disorder, depression or other psychiatric condition, difficulty urinating, prostate enlargement, or seizure disorder. Don't take this shit with any other stimulants. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA

"Holy shit," I said as I poured myself a glass.

The Taste
Against my better judgment, I took the recommended dose. (And might I say that if a particular sports supplements refers to its servings as "doses" you should probably read the label very carefully.) The drink tasted like Lysol mixed in with crushed caffeine pills. Lemon-Lime my ass. I had to chug the rest and chase it with water to get the taste out of my mouth.


The Effects
I won't say that I could really feel the effects of the drink. I did have a pretty decent ride, but that could have been from a number of factors: not being drunk, having a tailwind on the W&OD, eating properly, etc. So the whole "less fatigue" thing will have to be reevaluated in subsequent trials. As far as adding to the intensity of my workout, I'd have to say that that didn't change much either. It was a pretty typical evening at the Thursday night Hains Point sprints. I didn't feel any better or worse than I usually do. I did notice how there were some ignorant jackasses riding in the pack who had no idea what was going on around them. Despite this (and a few unnecessarily close calls), I can't say that I had a heighten sense of awareness due to the drink. Post-ride, I would say the effects were fatigue and extreme hunger, or in other words "how I usually feel after I ride." And I'll chalk up the strange tingling sensation in my heart to a completely random anomaly.


Conclusion
If you're looking for a drink mix that tastes like you just puréed a handful of pills and squeezed the tiniest sliver of lemon over it, this drink is for you. If you're looking for a substitute for your crack addiction, this drink will do that as well. But if you're an average idiot cyclist, I would have to say that this drink did not improve or detract from the quality of my workout. Granted, I've only used this product once, so we'll have to see how well it works in the long term. And in the worst case scenario, I'll mix the powder into a handle of Aristocrat vodka and sell it to college students as Idiot's Magical Study Elixir.