Like all good cyclists, I'm following Le Tour pretty closely, including the Lance-Contador quarrel and other stupid things. But the past two stages have taken a relative benign international cycling event from a G-rating to a bullet-dodging, fist-fighting, idiot-shoving, violence-fest. I have no choice but to change the rating of this year's Tour to a mildly impassioned PG-rating.
It was like someone had misinterpreted my recurrent dreams of the many fun things to do at triathlons when I read that someone had brought an air rifle to Le Tour. In my dreams I drunkenly ride head on towards my aero-clad imbred cousins drunkenly playing cowboys and indians. This was a little less interesting, but was close enough. Actually, I don't think it's very funny to have riders shot while riding their bikes. It's a lot funnier to have riders take shots while riding their bikes. Pass the Ciroc, si'l vous plait.
Voigt has been considered one of the strongest men in the peleton and as such I'm sure he's been tested numerous times by the doping brigade. But after Saturday's misfortunes and the crazy shit Voigt said afterwards, I'd like to have him tested for gamma radiation because that mofo is going to Hulk out and crush someone's head in. Or at the very least poke a hole in their tires.
Saturday also saw The Badger take out yet another unruly intruder. The stunt was the result of an apparent bet and, like in times past, Hinault had no reservations when it came to giving l'imposteur francais the business. Sheesh! Europeans are so pushy! It's a good thing I train and race in full riot gear. If you think an Italian frame pump does a lot of damage, wait till you see what my extendable baton and mace spray can do.
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