ZacK Vestal, Shut Up.

I won't go as far as to say that I hate Zach Vestal. I'm sure he's a nice guy (despite his boring Trek-only stable of bikes). He's living the dream. Or at least one my dreams where I'm not getting chased by hobo zombies. [Ed. - Aren't all zombies technically hobos?] Vestal's sweet gig as Tech Editor for VeloNews.com has him traveling the world, going to huge races, and testing the latest in bicycle gadgetry. All he has to do is write interesting things that people want to read. Yet time and again, every time I read one of his articles I cringe because he is wasting this unique opportunity and because I can do better. The first thing I would be able to do better than Zach Vestal is know when an article is not worth writing.

In a recently published article, he writes about how one team mechanic for AG2R had to do a bit of unusual race day preparations in anticipation of heavy rainfall last Thursday. I figured it'd have something to do with the special grease they usually use instead of rain on those stages. Or it could have been about a special bar tape or saddle modification to increase a rider's grip. But as I read the article, my heart sank. It was about how one rider, Vladimir Efimkin, got his carbon Mavic tubulars replaced with clinchers with an aluminum rim and different brake pads. That was it. Oh, and Vestal goes on to add that the work was done by one mechanic in fifteen minutes:

Given that the whole episode transpired about 15 minutes before the start, you can imagine the mechanics were working quickly, but they got Efimkin set and ready to go in the nick of time. One more example of how these guys are prepared for every eventuality, both on course and off.

Holy shit, man. If it takes more than 10 minutes to install wheels and brake pads, I'd be shocked. Did he have to whittle the brake pads from a dual-compound brake tree? It'd probably only take 15 minutes to do that as Efimkin rolled alongside the team car; rolling wheel change, brakepads, and the lot. And "in the nick of time"? It's a friggin Grand Tour! If he was late to the start, he'd still have the better part of 181.5 km to "catch up" to the peleton. The title of that article shouldn't be "Readying for the rain." It should be "Apparently Pro Bike Mechanics Work Very Slowly And I Have An Awesome Job That I Take For Granted."