Sometimes I hate technology. Today it's cell phone technology that I despise. Usually when I complain about things it's because they're malfunctioning or unreliable (or a triathlete). But what set me off today was a phone call that successfully made its way back to the service department. The call was about the details of our tune-ups, which I gladly answered since such calls are pretty common and are part of the selling process. We talked about prices, the types of adjustments, and our 48-hour turnover on tune ups. Usually these conversations last only a minute or two, five at the max. This conversation probably lasted nearly ten minutes, but it felt like nearly an hour. The caller continued to press on about the details of the tune and supplemented his questioning with detailed descriptions of some squeakiness coming from the back of the bike (it was a dry chain), the squidginess of his brakes (which he hadn't replaced in years), and as the list grew on, I began seriously thinking about hurting myself. After all, you can't field ridiculous, hypothetical questions if you've got a screwdriver through your hand, right? What bothered me most about our conversation wasn't that we would have the same one once he brought in the bike or that he was wasting my time when I had work orders to complete. It was that he prefaced his call with "Hi. I'm right near the Courthouse Metro station."
That meant that he was mere BLOCKS from my shop. Most people call from home, before they even think about taking their bike somewhere. This guy was already going to bring his bike in, but wanted to discuss the particulars of the work order without me looking at the bike. I'm not some fucking psychic mechanic. I can't guess exactly what your bike need. I can't guess any more accurately if you use words like "squidgy" or "squeaky" and I blame cell phone technology. If it weren't for cell phones, this caller simply would have walked the few blocks and had a productive and meaningful conversation about his bike and the repairs necessary to get him back on the road. Cell phones can be a very useful communication tool, especially in situations where you're stuck in traffic or for dialing 911 when being attacked by a surly mechanic. But if you use one just to give me a ten-minute long "heads up" about you and your neglected bike, spare me and my blood pressure and just walk into my shop (especially if you're only five blocks away). But you better be waving a white flag as soon as you step through my doors, otherwise I will end you.
Bonus News Flash:
A suit came in to pick up his bike and proceeded to stand at my front desk for five minutes typing away on his Blackberry. He's actually still standing there. I might have to choke him out with his periwinkle blue tie...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Pictorial: I Love This Shit
[via WithLeather]
Righteous pwnage by Lance.
Some "fans" need to get over themselves and just stay at home.
Bonus: Andy Schleck and Chris Horner laughing in the peanut gallery.
Righteous pwnage by Lance.
Some "fans" need to get over themselves and just stay at home.
Bonus: Andy Schleck and Chris Horner laughing in the peanut gallery.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Stupid Hurt Box
I rode on the road today. Hey-ohhhh!
It was today that I realized something about my previous road ride. I only feel fast if I ride for an hour (or less). So that includes all rides to work, bars, underground fight clubs, and yo' momma's (ZING!). After about an hour the Feeling of Fastness (FOF) quickly becomes the Sensation of Slowness (SOS). SOS rides include nearly all the types of rides that are good for me as a cyclist and (very) amateur racer. I have a habit of riding to rides and that has a very high tendency to rapidly upset the delicate FOF:SOS ratio. I really do not enjoy using my car to drive to rides. It defeats the purpose of using the bike as a vehicle. As such, I'll happily ride my bike the 12+ miles to a friend's house or group starting point. This is where I constantly run into trouble. Sometimes it's because I'm overly enthusiastic to jump on my bike and other times it's because I'm constantly running late, but I always catch myself basically time trialing my ride to a ride. Burning out on the ride before the ride is a good way to put yourself in the hurt box and throw away the key and is also the story of my life. I use this explanation in just about everything I do. None of this "the dog ate my homework" crap. If I'm don't turn in an assignment or forget your birthday, it's because I rode my bike too fast too soon.
Today's ride was no exception. I rode into Georgetown to build some team bikes and ended up doing a ride with Southern Comfort. He wanted to do a long, easy ride and I was happy to put some "base miles" in despite the fact that I have no idea what a "base mile" actually is. I thought we were going to ride to a military installation, but I was wrong. Instead, we did a typical SoCo ride, which involve going in one particular direction for an ungiven distance (neither of us had computers), making a few turns here and there, and then trying to find our way home. With a varying pace that was probably a little higher than "slow" but not quite "tempo" (whatever those words mean), we rode out to Potomac, MD, somehow ended up in Gaithersburg, rode through Rockville and finally made it back to Georgetown. It wasn't necessarily an epic ride with its lack of gnarly climbs or beautiful scenery, but I did get my butt kicked by Southern Comfort riding his 1x10 time trial bike. Also, as is characteristic of most SoCo rides, we found ourselves riding off-road a little bit on the CCT and the surrounding area. I feel like there's no better way to stick it to triathletes than riding a TT bike in a little bit of dirt and mud. Chapeau! I, on the other hand, suffered a good bit through the last legs of our ride, shifted into the little ring (aka survival mode), and tried to slowly spin my way home without my legs cramping up and falling off. So I guess I had a pretty good ride. Post-ride, I housed a half-chicken platter from EPR, two PB&Js, a handful of leftover Valentine's Day candy, and just about anything I could get my hands on. Tomorrow's an "off day." Meaning I will be off my bike, on my ass, and probably scratching myself in places that would be inappropriate if done in a public place. I'm thinking Metro car...
In Other News:
In an attempt to build up my army of bicycles, I ordered a new frameset today. I will name it The Indestructibike, the race bike that will never die.
It was today that I realized something about my previous road ride. I only feel fast if I ride for an hour (or less). So that includes all rides to work, bars, underground fight clubs, and yo' momma's (ZING!). After about an hour the Feeling of Fastness (FOF) quickly becomes the Sensation of Slowness (SOS). SOS rides include nearly all the types of rides that are good for me as a cyclist and (very) amateur racer. I have a habit of riding to rides and that has a very high tendency to rapidly upset the delicate FOF:SOS ratio. I really do not enjoy using my car to drive to rides. It defeats the purpose of using the bike as a vehicle. As such, I'll happily ride my bike the 12+ miles to a friend's house or group starting point. This is where I constantly run into trouble. Sometimes it's because I'm overly enthusiastic to jump on my bike and other times it's because I'm constantly running late, but I always catch myself basically time trialing my ride to a ride. Burning out on the ride before the ride is a good way to put yourself in the hurt box and throw away the key and is also the story of my life. I use this explanation in just about everything I do. None of this "the dog ate my homework" crap. If I'm don't turn in an assignment or forget your birthday, it's because I rode my bike too fast too soon.
Today's ride was no exception. I rode into Georgetown to build some team bikes and ended up doing a ride with Southern Comfort. He wanted to do a long, easy ride and I was happy to put some "base miles" in despite the fact that I have no idea what a "base mile" actually is. I thought we were going to ride to a military installation, but I was wrong. Instead, we did a typical SoCo ride, which involve going in one particular direction for an ungiven distance (neither of us had computers), making a few turns here and there, and then trying to find our way home. With a varying pace that was probably a little higher than "slow" but not quite "tempo" (whatever those words mean), we rode out to Potomac, MD, somehow ended up in Gaithersburg, rode through Rockville and finally made it back to Georgetown. It wasn't necessarily an epic ride with its lack of gnarly climbs or beautiful scenery, but I did get my butt kicked by Southern Comfort riding his 1x10 time trial bike. Also, as is characteristic of most SoCo rides, we found ourselves riding off-road a little bit on the CCT and the surrounding area. I feel like there's no better way to stick it to triathletes than riding a TT bike in a little bit of dirt and mud. Chapeau! I, on the other hand, suffered a good bit through the last legs of our ride, shifted into the little ring (aka survival mode), and tried to slowly spin my way home without my legs cramping up and falling off. So I guess I had a pretty good ride. Post-ride, I housed a half-chicken platter from EPR, two PB&Js, a handful of leftover Valentine's Day candy, and just about anything I could get my hands on. Tomorrow's an "off day." Meaning I will be off my bike, on my ass, and probably scratching myself in places that would be inappropriate if done in a public place. I'm thinking Metro car...
In Other News:
In an attempt to build up my army of bicycles, I ordered a new frameset today. I will name it The Indestructibike, the race bike that will never die.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Briding the Gap: LAMF
Today's word of the the day is "mother fucker."
As in, "it's windy as a mother fucker today!" I thought it'd be a smart idea to hide from the 35+mph winds and go for a ride on the mountain bike, which I also haven't ridden in a very long time. I load up the car and jump down the beltway to the familiar trails at Wakefield. After pumping up the tires, I'm off and just as soon as I hit the trail from the gravel access road, I'm in trouble. I figured that I'd be falling a lot today considering the last time I rode my Surly was the fall of 2008, but I didn't know that my first spill of the day would literally be after less than a minute of saddle time. All these thoughts passed through my head at lightning speed after which my instincts finally caught up and got this Idiot to correct his little slip up. I was unfortunately not quick enough, despite saving myself from a stupid slow speed spill. In recovering from my little bobble, I rubbed my front tire up against some sharp rocks on the side of the hill and one of them punctured the sidewall of my tire. The walk back to my car took longer than the entirety of my ride.
Mother. Fucker.
I was already dressed and packed to play in the dirt so I logically chose to hop on the 'cross bike as soon as I got back home. The angry fumes pouring out my ears and nostrils only motivated me further to help myself to a full serving of muddy pain. There was a good bit of wind on the W&OD, but being that I tend to exaggerate things, it felt like I was riding down tornado alley. The park was a little less sticky and muddy compared to Tuesday's ride, but I overcompensated by going a few extra laps on my makeshift course. Having had my fun for the day, I got home and didn't bother cleaning the bike. There are some days when you just don't want to deal with cleaning or fixing a bike, even if it is your own. Today is one of those days. Now I'm hungry as a mother fucker. Where's the pasta at?
Also,
If anyone has any recommendations for a fast mountain bike tire (preferably in a UST version), I'm all ears.
As in, "it's windy as a mother fucker today!" I thought it'd be a smart idea to hide from the 35+mph winds and go for a ride on the mountain bike, which I also haven't ridden in a very long time. I load up the car and jump down the beltway to the familiar trails at Wakefield. After pumping up the tires, I'm off and just as soon as I hit the trail from the gravel access road, I'm in trouble. I figured that I'd be falling a lot today considering the last time I rode my Surly was the fall of 2008, but I didn't know that my first spill of the day would literally be after less than a minute of saddle time. All these thoughts passed through my head at lightning speed after which my instincts finally caught up and got this Idiot to correct his little slip up. I was unfortunately not quick enough, despite saving myself from a stupid slow speed spill. In recovering from my little bobble, I rubbed my front tire up against some sharp rocks on the side of the hill and one of them punctured the sidewall of my tire. The walk back to my car took longer than the entirety of my ride.
Mother. Fucker.
I was already dressed and packed to play in the dirt so I logically chose to hop on the 'cross bike as soon as I got back home. The angry fumes pouring out my ears and nostrils only motivated me further to help myself to a full serving of muddy pain. There was a good bit of wind on the W&OD, but being that I tend to exaggerate things, it felt like I was riding down tornado alley. The park was a little less sticky and muddy compared to Tuesday's ride, but I overcompensated by going a few extra laps on my makeshift course. Having had my fun for the day, I got home and didn't bother cleaning the bike. There are some days when you just don't want to deal with cleaning or fixing a bike, even if it is your own. Today is one of those days. Now I'm hungry as a mother fucker. Where's the pasta at?
Also,
If anyone has any recommendations for a fast mountain bike tire (preferably in a UST version), I'm all ears.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Bridging the Gap: Road Religion
"Holy shit."
That's what I said about sixteen times on my ride today. The reason for my excessive profanity (at least in this case) was because I decided today was the day I would finally ride my road bike again. After several months of sloth, binge eating, binge drinking, and playing on my 'cross bike, I had the craving for speed. A fresh coat of lube on the chain and some air in the tires and I jetted out the door.
Holy. Shit.
Something about riding tires that are roughly 11mm narrower and pumped to approximately 3 times the pressure makes you feel like you're flying. It was a borderline religious experience, especially since I said a little prayer every time I hung it in the corner, hoping that the road was clear of sand, salt, and the occasional hobo. Fortunately, another advantage my road bike has over my 'cross bike is the ability to actually stop or modulate my speed. I don't normally like to slow down (lactic acid is usually my own internal "brake"), but I do like the sense of security of my road calipers over the "ohshitimnotevenslowingdown"-factor of my cantis. In conclusion, I felt like I was going really fast* and I liked it.
*Feeling fast and actually being fast are two different things. The latter doesn't apply to any kind of riding that I do.
That's what I said about sixteen times on my ride today. The reason for my excessive profanity (at least in this case) was because I decided today was the day I would finally ride my road bike again. After several months of sloth, binge eating, binge drinking, and playing on my 'cross bike, I had the craving for speed. A fresh coat of lube on the chain and some air in the tires and I jetted out the door.
Holy. Shit.
Something about riding tires that are roughly 11mm narrower and pumped to approximately 3 times the pressure makes you feel like you're flying. It was a borderline religious experience, especially since I said a little prayer every time I hung it in the corner, hoping that the road was clear of sand, salt, and the occasional hobo. Fortunately, another advantage my road bike has over my 'cross bike is the ability to actually stop or modulate my speed. I don't normally like to slow down (lactic acid is usually my own internal "brake"), but I do like the sense of security of my road calipers over the "ohshitimnotevenslowingdown"-factor of my cantis. In conclusion, I felt like I was going really fast* and I liked it.
*Feeling fast and actually being fast are two different things. The latter doesn't apply to any kind of riding that I do.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Mud, Danger, and Poop
It's friggin' nice out there! But despite the nice weather, I'm still riding the 'cross bike to help combat the effects of 'Cross Withdrawal. I know it's not the most efficient way of training for the road season, but I'm not really concerned. Plus, I don't have money to buy a coach, power meter, or anything else that spits out silly acronyms like V02, W, Sec, Min, Set, Rep, or Dist. Here are some things I learned on today's ride:
1- The Valley
The equestian park where I do most of my 'cross riding is in a valley. It might also be called a depression, gully, basin, or dingle. Whatever you want to call it, make sure it means place between to significant hills where water tends to pool. That shit was soaked today. The ground was so saturated with water that I was throwing up a pretty muddy rooster tail everywhere I rode. The main hill that I ride up proved to be unrideable and forced me to jog through the 3-inch deep mud. Also, the mud took a toll on my handling as well. I didn't fall in the mud, but the "lines" I chose are more akin to a toddler's Crayola scribble than something a cyclist should take credit for.
2- I'm an Idiot
I'll admit that I love a challenge. Riding in the mud is one challenge that I absolutely love. Another is "catching up" with riders in front of me. Today's rabbit was a guy on an older model Look 585 riding on the W&OD. I didn't do any sketchy business or put the other rider at risk. It would've been hard to do that as I was trying to catch up to him on the horse trail that runs parallel to the bike path. I made it home safe and I'm sure the other guy did too, but just now I realized that riding really fast on a sketchy gravelly trail with eyes anywhere but directly in front of you can be a little hazardous to your health. Yowsa indeed, but it was totally worth it.
3- Horses
There were prints in the mud from horse hooves. Sweet! That means that I am one step closer to drunkenly racing one (and losing). Unfortunately this also means there was a good bit more animal feces at the park. The next time I go back there, I'll have to remember not to open my mouth so wide. Pain faces are great for pictures, but they're also great for poopy mouths.
1- The Valley
The equestian park where I do most of my 'cross riding is in a valley. It might also be called a depression, gully, basin, or dingle. Whatever you want to call it, make sure it means place between to significant hills where water tends to pool. That shit was soaked today. The ground was so saturated with water that I was throwing up a pretty muddy rooster tail everywhere I rode. The main hill that I ride up proved to be unrideable and forced me to jog through the 3-inch deep mud. Also, the mud took a toll on my handling as well. I didn't fall in the mud, but the "lines" I chose are more akin to a toddler's Crayola scribble than something a cyclist should take credit for.
2- I'm an Idiot
I'll admit that I love a challenge. Riding in the mud is one challenge that I absolutely love. Another is "catching up" with riders in front of me. Today's rabbit was a guy on an older model Look 585 riding on the W&OD. I didn't do any sketchy business or put the other rider at risk. It would've been hard to do that as I was trying to catch up to him on the horse trail that runs parallel to the bike path. I made it home safe and I'm sure the other guy did too, but just now I realized that riding really fast on a sketchy gravelly trail with eyes anywhere but directly in front of you can be a little hazardous to your health. Yowsa indeed, but it was totally worth it.
3- Horses
There were prints in the mud from horse hooves. Sweet! That means that I am one step closer to drunkenly racing one (and losing). Unfortunately this also means there was a good bit more animal feces at the park. The next time I go back there, I'll have to remember not to open my mouth so wide. Pain faces are great for pictures, but they're also great for poopy mouths.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Warm Weathering
I don't know if you noticed but it was stupid warm out today. Normally, I love beautiful weather like today's, but I was unfortunately stuck in the grease pit working as the only mechanic for my shop. I'll be honest and admit that it wasn't super busy. There was a pretty steady stream of customers, some friendly faces and others not so much, but all had the same thing in common. They wanted to ride. Most were pretty simple walk-in jobs; tube replacements, derailleur adjustments, mechanic harassment. Some simply wanted to prepare for the upcoming season and get a tune-up. Others still wanted said tune-up so they could ride tomorrow.
Um.
It might be difficult to imagine, but I think about bikes a lot. I know. Strange. But because of this condition, there are some things that average bicycle users do that I simply cannot begin to comprehend. I have to stretch my imagination to understand what someone means by a "bike in need of adjustments." (My bikes are always tuned up, albeit sometimes not perfectly.) What really blows my mind is the thoughtlessness of some "cyclists" who simply want to take advantage of a fair weather phenomenon. I like riding in nice weather as much as the next person, but those days are just the icing on the cake. They don't make or break my decision to ride. So if you just want to ride your bike on a gorgeous day like today or tomorrow, when you're just going to stow the bike away again as soon as the weather drops below 50-degrees, why exactly do you need me to tuned it up? You're just riding to do something in the nice weather. You could probably walk your bike by your side in the nice weather and probably still enjoy yourself. Or just fucking sit outside on a bench with aerobars. It's like having your mommy tie your shoes the night before you go to the playground. If you're that anxious about it, your dumbass better get some velcro shoes.
In conclusion, if your interaction with your bike mechanic is governed by a thermometer, I hate you.
Um.
It might be difficult to imagine, but I think about bikes a lot. I know. Strange. But because of this condition, there are some things that average bicycle users do that I simply cannot begin to comprehend. I have to stretch my imagination to understand what someone means by a "bike in need of adjustments." (My bikes are always tuned up, albeit sometimes not perfectly.) What really blows my mind is the thoughtlessness of some "cyclists" who simply want to take advantage of a fair weather phenomenon. I like riding in nice weather as much as the next person, but those days are just the icing on the cake. They don't make or break my decision to ride. So if you just want to ride your bike on a gorgeous day like today or tomorrow, when you're just going to stow the bike away again as soon as the weather drops below 50-degrees, why exactly do you need me to tuned it up? You're just riding to do something in the nice weather. You could probably walk your bike by your side in the nice weather and probably still enjoy yourself. Or just fucking sit outside on a bench with aerobars. It's like having your mommy tie your shoes the night before you go to the playground. If you're that anxious about it, your dumbass better get some velcro shoes.
In conclusion, if your interaction with your bike mechanic is governed by a thermometer, I hate you.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
This is News?
I am constantly butting heads with bike "tech" reviews. This is partly because I am a cynical bike purist, but also because some bike reviews are just plain garbage. VeloNews' post on the Bontrager Race XXX Lite road stem one such example.
Stems are one of those components on the bike that don't really do anything but hold something. Seatposts are another and reviews of both components should be limited to three criteria: does it do what it's supposed to, is it easy to use, is it something you would want.
Performance:
Does it clamp to whatever it supposed to? Yes. Done. The end. Why the author even mentions that he "did not notice any particular characteristic" and "could not particularly discern any vibration damping" is beyond me. If this block of carbon and bolts doesn't do anything but attach your bars to your steerer tube, do you need to tell me all the things that it doesn't do? My dog poops and pees, but doesn't do it over the toilet and doesn't even say "excuse me" if he farts. I don't tell people those extra "facts" because people don't expect to hear that kind of stuff. Don't tell me your stem doesn't do anything interesting, if it was never supposed to in the first place.
Ease of Use:
"Installation of this stem is straightforward." What else needs to be said? Mentioning the torque spec is useful, sure, but hardly news-worthy and definitely not something that is outside of anyone's modern expectations. I'd be more surprised if it didn't have any torque specs at all.
The Cool Factor:
This article doesn't make me want this stem because stems are not interesting. I buy a stem to match my handlebars. Typos aside ("The look is graceful but box"), this article is just about as boring as the component it's reviewing. It's informative sure, but I could've read that on Bontrager's website. In bullets. If they wanted to they could have written the article like this:
Fancy carbon block holds handlebar good. Weighs little, expensive, and kind of ugly. Buy if bars say "Bontrager" and are equally as fancy.
I don't hate VeloNews. In fact, it's one of those few things in this world that keep me from going postal on triathletes. But pointless bike reviews drive me nuts. I guess a tech writer's gotta cut his teeth somehow.
Stems are one of those components on the bike that don't really do anything but hold something. Seatposts are another and reviews of both components should be limited to three criteria: does it do what it's supposed to, is it easy to use, is it something you would want.
Performance:
Does it clamp to whatever it supposed to? Yes. Done. The end. Why the author even mentions that he "did not notice any particular characteristic" and "could not particularly discern any vibration damping" is beyond me. If this block of carbon and bolts doesn't do anything but attach your bars to your steerer tube, do you need to tell me all the things that it doesn't do? My dog poops and pees, but doesn't do it over the toilet and doesn't even say "excuse me" if he farts. I don't tell people those extra "facts" because people don't expect to hear that kind of stuff. Don't tell me your stem doesn't do anything interesting, if it was never supposed to in the first place.
Ease of Use:
"Installation of this stem is straightforward." What else needs to be said? Mentioning the torque spec is useful, sure, but hardly news-worthy and definitely not something that is outside of anyone's modern expectations. I'd be more surprised if it didn't have any torque specs at all.
The Cool Factor:
This article doesn't make me want this stem because stems are not interesting. I buy a stem to match my handlebars. Typos aside ("The look is graceful but box"), this article is just about as boring as the component it's reviewing. It's informative sure, but I could've read that on Bontrager's website. In bullets. If they wanted to they could have written the article like this:
Fancy carbon block holds handlebar good. Weighs little, expensive, and kind of ugly. Buy if bars say "Bontrager" and are equally as fancy.
I don't hate VeloNews. In fact, it's one of those few things in this world that keep me from going postal on triathletes. But pointless bike reviews drive me nuts. I guess a tech writer's gotta cut his teeth somehow.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
'Cross Withdrawal
I don't plan on hanging up the 'cross bike anytime soon, but the races are all done for now. I know this because I've obsessively been cruising Bikereg.com for any 'cross race that can be reached by bike, car, train, airplane, blimp, or hot air balloon. Having raced only three times this season due to an unfortunate mix-up with our team sponsor (We still love you Van Dessel!), I've experienced just enough pain and suffering to get addicted to the sport. To say that I've spent a lot of time and effort looking for that next fix is like saying "Owie. That stings a little." after getting pummeled by Tony Jaa. In an effort to curb my 'cross craving, I've compiled a short list of things I've learned from my unfortunately short season:
1) I like it.
Sliding around in the mud, running up hills, hopping over barriers, and short technical courses are only a few reasons I like it. It's painful, sure, but I don't mind. The lack of monotony is a welcome change from road racing and it seems that people at 'cross races generally have more fun and complain less.
2) I still race like an Idiot.
I should hire someone as my racing conscience because the little racer angel on my shoulder has been getting choked out by my surly racer devil. "Go faster!" he says. "Screw the consequences." Then I'm gassed by the start of the second lap and do the dumbass shuffle/slide into umpteenth place or DNF-land. Unsurprisingly, this is the same devil that tells me to have another beer (or seven) the night before I plan a long ride or just need to wake up before 4pm.
3) 'Cross keeps up with the Jones too.
There were some pretty sick bikes out there. Bikes that could've easily been raced across the pond at the world championships in Hoogerheide, were instead hanging out in an RV park in Maryland. I don't despise or resent them as I would a triathlete with P3 and a paunch. It's just that fancy carbon things make me nervous and I'm always amazed at how something as simple as riding a modified road bike in the dirt can quickly evolve to include "holy shit did you see those bikes/wheels/etc?" commentary. Personally, I'd rather have another reliable 'cross bike than putting money into carbon bits.
4) Drinking and stuff
If I had friends, I would tell them to all bring their 'cross bikes to my little equestrian park hideout and bring a six-pack or a fifth of Jack for a Sloppy, Slurry, Mashin' Bash. (Like that one? I just came up with that shit.) But since I don't, I'll just ride there, get hammered, and bring a few carrots. Why carrots? On the off chance a horse actually shows up there, I'll be prepared to trick the thing into chasing/racing me on my bike. Then I'll finally have that epic season closer I've been dreaming off. Booyah!
1) I like it.
Sliding around in the mud, running up hills, hopping over barriers, and short technical courses are only a few reasons I like it. It's painful, sure, but I don't mind. The lack of monotony is a welcome change from road racing and it seems that people at 'cross races generally have more fun and complain less.
2) I still race like an Idiot.
I should hire someone as my racing conscience because the little racer angel on my shoulder has been getting choked out by my surly racer devil. "Go faster!" he says. "Screw the consequences." Then I'm gassed by the start of the second lap and do the dumbass shuffle/slide into umpteenth place or DNF-land. Unsurprisingly, this is the same devil that tells me to have another beer (or seven) the night before I plan a long ride or just need to wake up before 4pm.
3) 'Cross keeps up with the Jones too.
There were some pretty sick bikes out there. Bikes that could've easily been raced across the pond at the world championships in Hoogerheide, were instead hanging out in an RV park in Maryland. I don't despise or resent them as I would a triathlete with P3 and a paunch. It's just that fancy carbon things make me nervous and I'm always amazed at how something as simple as riding a modified road bike in the dirt can quickly evolve to include "holy shit did you see those bikes/wheels/etc?" commentary. Personally, I'd rather have another reliable 'cross bike than putting money into carbon bits.
4) Drinking and stuff
If I had friends, I would tell them to all bring their 'cross bikes to my little equestrian park hideout and bring a six-pack or a fifth of Jack for a Sloppy, Slurry, Mashin' Bash. (Like that one? I just came up with that shit.) But since I don't, I'll just ride there, get hammered, and bring a few carrots. Why carrots? On the off chance a horse actually shows up there, I'll be prepared to trick the thing into chasing/racing me on my bike. Then I'll finally have that epic season closer I've been dreaming off. Booyah!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Bridging The Gap: 'Crossed My Heart
Today I raced the 'Cross My Heart Race in College Park. The course rocked and was by far the best of the three races I've done this year. With temperatures in the 50's, the ice was melting quickly and our race was proper muddy. As per usual, I raced like an complete idiot. My intention was to stay at the front with the race leaders and possibly try an attack towards the end of the race at a decisive moment. I followed that plan for about 10 minutes, then the two guys in front of me faded and I shot off the front for a lap and a half, blew my wad, and did the suffer shuffle until I slipped, felled, cramped up, and nearly puked in the last lap. It was really fun. On the bright side, Southern Comfort won and it was his first race! Fucking. Awesome.
I don't know why I race the way I do. I can't justify it with my "training," bike handling skills, or any other bicycle-related skill. I'll probably go into more detail about this later, especially considering the Tradezone series starts up next weekend, but right now I'm pooped and the Cards lost.
I don't know why I race the way I do. I can't justify it with my "training," bike handling skills, or any other bicycle-related skill. I'll probably go into more detail about this later, especially considering the Tradezone series starts up next weekend, but right now I'm pooped and the Cards lost.
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